These days I have found myself caught up between wanting to hold on to the past, and wanting to hurry and “grow up” already. In the back of my mind I still feel like I will be a teenager forever. Obviously I know that this isn’t true, but as I shuffle closer and closer to the edge of adulthood, the realization that my protective shelter won’t be there forever, has really hit me hard lately.
I know that my anxiety issues contribute significantly to the feelings of sheer terror that I sometimes get, but everything about life has just felt so real lately. My mom always reminds me that they aren’t just going to randomly cut me off financially one day, and that life randomly isn’t going to throw me off of the metaphorical cliff into adulthood. It all happens gradually… but why does it all feel so fast all of the sudden? I still remember the day that I turned ten, and now I am going to be twenty in two months? Oh my god.
Part of me wants to go back to high school and appreciate the absolute security that I took for granted for so long. The other part of me just wants to “do the damn thing” and start my career and “adult” life already. I’m trying to set this impatience aside and appreciate these amazing days of freedom that may not be as responsibility free as early childhood, but are still pretty dang great.
Has anyone else been feeling like they are in transition these days?